I spent the weekend at a friends house, and he and his girlfriend took me car shopping. We were looking for a minivan, and I had narrowed the options to an old Honda van, or a newer, (but not “new”) Kia van. The reviews on the Kia are pretty good, and it’s almost a carbon copy, (remember those? carbon paper) of the much more expensive Toyota van.
So we spent the day tooling around, had a great breakfast, hit a couple of used car lots, and they were about what I expected, and then we stopped in at a Kia dealer, who had a van posted on Craigslist, that was almost in my budget, and came with a short, but valuable warranty. The sales kid that greeted us pawned us off on one of the “new” guys, which was funny, because the new guy was old enough to be the kid’s father. He turned out to be a pretty cool guy. We had a lot of fun, somewhat at his expense, and after some haggling, lots of humor, a test drive, and good hard once over on the van, decided that it was a good deal and bought it.
Now, I’ve been driving a pickup truck for the last 9 years or so. I don’t like trucks, and had we not owned a farm in the past, I wouldn’t have a truck. We bought it thinking that we’d need it for the farm, and when the farm went away, the truck stayed. The ex drove the minivan, and I wound up being the less than proud owner of a truck. I made the best of it, and it occasionally got used as a truck, but mostly, it took me to work, to the customer sites, and home again. Without any frills, crank windows, no AC, peeling paint, but a reliable vehicle that was the envy of any of my friends that were moving, or gardening, or just needing to get something somewhere. To be completely honest, it really wasn’t a bad vehicle, and since we really couldn’t afford to trade it for something else, I convinced myself that, having a truck had value, and I could make do. I mean, it’s just a ride to work.
Today I bought a van with features that I’ve never had on any vehicle I’ve owned. Cruise control, keyless entry (a “clicker”), tinted windows, (really, I’ve never had tinted windows) and power plugs all over the place. This van has 7 seats and 10 cup holders. I’m not really sure why that is, or who needs to have extra cups, but in addition, it has 2 bottle holders, so really, 12 beverage holders. I mean, I drink a lot of water and iced tea, but really, 12 beverage holders? It has auto headlights, side airbags, and a bunch of other little niceties that alone don’t do much, but when put together, with the nice cold AC, and passenger side independent climate control, (their own vent and temp) make this a much nice ride to work.
I was talking on the phone driving this new thing home, and he said… you know, I’ve hesitated saying this before, but this new life you have seems to be working out well for you. You’re doing things, meeting people, and having a lot more fun than you used to, and I think, it’s a really good thing for you.
I was shocked, and at the same time, not surprised at his comment. I “know” this is working out for me, and one of these days I’ll feel better about all of it, but for now, while I’m doing lots of things and having a lot of fun, (and I really am) I’m not particularly happy. But it was shocking to hear that he’s thought the best thing the ex could have done for me, was to become an ex. Now, friends say that, and I know that’s what friends do, I’ve done it. But I don’t think he’s that far off. It’s hard to admit that maybe this is a good thing, and it’s hard to fathom the fact that something that hurts so much, for so long could be a good thing, but… well… ummmm….
So I had a great weekend, hung out, ate a lot, went to a comedy club and bought a car, and skipped doing a lot of work. Tomorrow I get to pick the kids up from school in it, and they don’t know it’s coming.
I think I know that ultimately there’s good in this separating thing, but it’s hard to see from my point of view. I guess if I keep looking I’ll find it in more places. A small bay where we anchor the boat, a day of impromptu activities with the kids, a passenger in my van that’s over 21, the ability to live my life without asking permission, or worrying about doing something disappointing.
I asked the sales guy…. “This is a babe magnet, right? Women love guys in minivans, don’t they?” He wasn’t sure if I was joking, and looked momentarily mortified, that I might actually believe that. But the truth is, whoever she might turn out to be, he probably won’t consider her a “babe”, but she might see the value of a dad that doesn’t need a sports car, and is satisfied, or even happy to be driving around in a soccer mom car, with a clicker.
A new single dad 