Someone told me the other day that it takes ½ of the length of the relationship to get over the loss. I’m really hoping that’s for the weak of heart, or some other group of people that I don’t belong to, because 7½ years is way too long to feel like this.
I keep finding little things that I used to do that are so ingrained in my routine that I do them, or at least think about them after almost a year and a half. Today I grabbed a cloth in the kitchen to wipe the table. It was a cloth napkin, (purchased at goodwill that I won’t even use as a napkin) and I started to put it back, because, well, she didn’t like me wiping the table with the cloth napkins. Since she has someone else around to prefer HE doesn’t wipe the table with cloth napkins, I’m thinking I don’t have to worry about that anymore. For the record, I took the leap, and went ahead and wiped the table.
I still detour toward the flowers in the store. I didn’t buy her many flowers, because she let them die, and shed, and look pretty miserable. I still look at the flowers, and then remind myself, I don’t have anyone at home to buy flowers for, except me, and I’m just not much of a flower fan.
There are all kinds of things I find that I do, without thinking, that don’t matter anymore. I’m really hoping that it doesn’t take 7 years, or that when I have someone else around who I can pay attention to whatever things she prefers, maybe it won’t be so… difficult to get through the day.