Forward Thinking

People ask occasionally how long I’ve been doing the single Dad thing. I tell them a couple of months. But time is passing, and it’s been 7 months that I’ve been on my own. That realization led to another, that newsingledad wasn’t a very forward thinking blog title. Not that blog titles are earth shatteringly important, unless you’re working to monetize it, it’s just a name. But it does give me a little insight on what I was thinking at the time. There wasn’t a whole lot of long term thinking. I was focused on my world falling apart. While I knew I would survive, I wasn’t thinking beyond, oh god, what am I going to do?

A lot has happened in the last 7 months. I’ve looked at the possibility of bankruptcy, concluded that it’s likely that my almost ex never really did love me, and that it’s entirely possible that she’s never really loved anyone, (I know, that sounds like sour grapes, and it could be, but as with everything, it’s a long story), and that if I can take the kids to the other side of the world on vacation, and have a good time, even in airports during layovers, that I can pretty much handle single parenting.

I’ve pondered custody. I’ve come to appreciate the time they’re not here, so I can get things done, and pay attention to them when they are here, and how much closer we are because they go away occasionally. We’ve really bonded being on our own together. I look at the kids in a whole different way now, reminding myself that not spending time with them now, means not having the time to spend with them later.

I answered a craigslist personal ad, but I guess I didn’t do it well, because she never wrote back. I’ve started a regular routine of playing tennis, going to dinner, and basically hanging out with a few friends, and I’ve been to more shows in the past 7 months than the previous 3 years.

I’m looking to what the next 5 years of my life are going to bring. I’ve pretty much concluded that I’m not ever getting married again, and that the divorce process doesn’t seem reasonable to me. I do know that I’d like to date, maybe find a serious relationship. Mostly, I’m looking ahead. One benefit of the divorce process, it kicks any affection you may have had for your former spouse right out of you, which makes me wonder how some people get back together after going through the process of divorce. How do you ever trust someone again?

Since very few people actually read this, I’ll stick with the newsingledad name for a while. I guess one day I’ll have to change it to oldsingledad… which is probably more appropriate, and gets more so with every passing day.


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