Since the kids mom left a couple of months ago, I’ve been going through the unpleasant task of figuring out how to date again. It’s going very slowly, and I think that’s good, because while she’s on her own, and I’m fairly certain that I’m at the point where I would turn her down if she offered to come back, (although who really knows what they’d do in that kind of situation until it happens)? And I’ve been reading blogs, listening to advice from friends, old girlfriends, strangers who post, tweet, or email, and anyone else who is willing to tell me anything that might make this seem a little less insane.
So here’s one of the many issues that I’ve been having. I’d like to date, get to know someone, or even try dating a few different people, (as shocking as that sounds to me) and I don’t mind, if it were to come to it, a sleep over, but I’m not overly interested in sex. I mean, being a guy, I probably wouldn’t turn it down, if it was offered in a comfortable situation, but it doesn’t seem very important right now. Some of my closer friends have said that might not be something you really want to advertise, and I can see their point, but I always assumed, (incorrectly I’ve been advised) that it’s the guy that wants it and the woman that “let’s him”.
So is it a bad thing to want to date, and be open to the eventual idea of sex, but being more interested in watching a movie, sharing dinner and a bottle of wine, or whatever? I mean, I KNOW it is, but, I can see where not being upfront about that could cause a fairly uncomfortable situation down the road. And, assuming that I actually wind up on a date, or a second date, where do you inject that tidbit of information, so that we’re both expecting the same thing at the end of the evening, without making her think I’m assuming that she wants to? Of course, there’s always my buddy’s advice, if she’s interested, just get over it and do it.
I realize that I”m over thinking the whole thing, and I have to actually find someone that wants to go out with me before it’s even an issue, but it’s one of those things that makes me decide it’s easier to just not go down that road right now, just go home and watch a movie. And really, that’s probably not a bad thing. If I can’t figure out how to start this dating thing, maybe I’m just not ready to do the dating thing, although, it sure helps the being lonely part.